


Like an Arrow to the Knee

by TaleasOldasTimeandSpace



Series: Yet Another Gratuitously Fluffy Darcyland Soulmate AU [23]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: (metaphorically speaking), AND YOU'RE TO BLAAAME, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crack, Darcyland (Marvel), F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, SHIP DARCY LEWIS WITH ALL THE THINGS, SHOT THROUGH THE HEAAART, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, WinterShock - Freeform, an idle Darcy is a dangerous Darcy, hacking as international sport, happy thought indeed, in Captain America voice: Don't Do Hacking Kids, pencils in the ceiling, the best way to deal with Plots is to take a nap, weep for the ceilings the didn't deserve this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 10:12:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18071450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace/pseuds/TaleasOldasTimeandSpace
Summary: Darcy isn't necessarily the best of influences.  Fortunately, her soulmate has experience dealing with pint-sized scrappers with questionable impulse control.





	Like an Arrow to the Knee

**Author's Note:**

> For [animerose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/animerose/pseuds/animerose), who requested:  
> "I'm pretty sure that's extremely illegal."  
> "Not in some countries. Let's just pretend we're there."
> 
> Darcy and Bucky or Darcy and Steve. Either would work
> 
> Just know the Words would have been reversed if I'd gone Shieldshock

Darcy spun idly in her chair, contemplating the logistics of constructing a crossbow from Jane’s spare parts so that she could fire pencils at the ceiling.  She could, of course, just throw them, à la Fox Mulder, but the ceilings were high, and her throwing arm was weak.  Etienne Navarre had the right idea—crossbows were definitely the way to go.

Jane was at an Important Meeting with the rest of the Avengers Tower Brain Trust.  Darcy was welcome to tag along, as she always was, but, well.  Sit in on one Brain Trust and you've basically heard them all, especially when you only understand about three in ten technical terms.  Besides, she had more important things to do.

Like build crossbows.

Really, she was more in a Spin Your Chair and Think About Building Crossbows mood than she was a Build Crossbows mood.  Life be like that sometimes.

Balrog was of a similar mind.  His snores echoed gently from his nest in the back corner of the Mullet.  She could take a peek into their link and see if he was dreaming about crossbows in any form, but it didn't really matter.  The point was that it was not a day for being productive.

Again, life be like that sometimes.

The Mullet doors whooshed open as she made another circuit, her eyes on the pencil looping around her fingers.  ‘Welcome back, Janey.  I trust your morning has been productive.  I'm proud to report that mine hasn't, and now I'm bored.  Wanna time me while I hack into the Pentagon?’

There was a very un-Jane-like pause, and then an even more un-Jane-like (not to mention deep!) voice said, _‘That sounds extremely illegal.’_

Darcy's fingers froze on the pencil.  In the dark corner of the Mullet, twin lights flickered into existence as Balrog opened his eyes, jarred from his nap by her spike of internalized freak-out. _‘Not in some countries,’_ she replied slowly, blinking at the bilgesnipe.  Using her toes to inch her chair around like Palpatine in _Return of the Jedi,_ she added, _‘Let's just pretend we're there.’_   She came around to face the entrance just in time to see Bucky Barnes, the Winter freakin’ Soldier and _apparently her soulmate,_ shake his head, huffing out a laugh.

‘In what country is it legal to hack the Pentagon?’

‘Sokovia, actually.’  Brisk clicking on the polished concrete heralded Balrog’s emergence from his nest, and she reached out a hand to rest between his antlers.  Nothing like channeling a Bond villain to give a girl a confidence boost.  ‘They got tired of Ross using them as the rallying flag for his little anti-powers crusade after the whole Germany debacle—which I’m sure you know nothing about—’ Bucky didn’t even try to look sheepish ‘—and Irritating and Inconveniencing Ross is practically a national sport now.  His office gets hacked a couple of times a week, and he's no longer allowed access to the rest of the Pentagon's network.’  She leaned back in her chair, taping the pencil on her lips thoughtfully.  ‘And excuse me, but are you really somebody to be passing judgement on legalities?’

He snorted.  ‘I'm sorry, I think you have me confused with someone else.  Maybe you've met him.  Blonde punk, about yea high?’  He held a hand about level with his shoulder.  ‘Problem with authority?’

She slapped a hand over her mouth, smothering a rather obnoxious cackle and narrowly avoiding stabbing herself in the eye with her pencil.  ‘I hate to break it to you,’ she wheezed, ‘but Steve hasn’t been “yea high” for a good eighty years now.’

He shrugged, crossing his arms with a smug grin.  ‘Steve will _always_ be a skinny little punk from Brooklyn, doesn’t matter what Erskine's serum did to him or how old he is.’

‘You make a valid point.  Steve would definitely time me while I hack the Pentagon, too.  Actually, he’d probably say something to the effect of “why hack the Pentagon when you can break into the Pentagon,” and then yeet his shield through a window.’  Giving Balrog a last scratch between his antlers, she got to her feet.  ‘Can we skip back to the part where we just found out we're soulmates?’

‘Yes, please.  I was getting real tired of talking about Steve.’

‘Right then.’  She held out a hand.  ‘I'm Darcy.  When I'm not keeping mad scientists from blowing themselves up and superheroes from picking fights with each other, I like to crochet, watch movies, and work _Lord of the Rings_ references into casual conversation.’  Jerking a thumb over her shoulder, she added, ‘And that's my bilgesnipe and partner in crime, Balrog.’

Bucky nodded to Balrog—a mark in his favour—and shook her hand firmly.  Another mark in his favour.  ‘I'm Bucky.  I like plums.’

She waited, but he didn’t seem inclined to elaborate.  He just stood there, holding her hand and smiling at her.  Which, honestly, wasn’t a bad thing.  ‘Plums, huh?  We had a plum tree when I was a kid.  My mom makes the best plum-raspberry jam.  I could be persuaded to ask her to send me a jar.  Possibly.’

‘Possibly, huh?’

‘Probably.’

‘I'll hold you to that.’

‘Cool.  Sweet.  Groovy.’  They probably could have stood there grinning at each other until the cows came home—or Jane came back—but Balrog poked her in the back with the tip of an antler.  _Judgy, much?_   Still, he had a point.  They were in danger of being goopy, and one did not want to be publicly goopy when one’s boss could come back at any minute, catching one in the act of goopiness.

...actually, that gave her an idea.  ‘Tell me, Bucky,’ she said, looping her arm through his and tugging him toward her desk, ‘what are your feelings on somewhat-underhanded but technically-legal schemes perpetrated against friends and co-workers?’

He squinted at her, gaze darting between her and Balrog.  If he was hoping for an ally there, he was in for a world of disappointment.  The bilgesnipe’s grin was positively evil. ‘What kind of schemes?’ he asked warily.

Smart.  Her soulmate of approximately five minutes was _smart._  Excellent.  ‘Like I said, nothing illegal.  It’s just, nobody knows we’re soulmates—’ Balrog cleared his throat pointedly ‘—except Balrog, of course, who can be trusted to keep it both secret and safe.  Well, he’ll probably tell Wendy, but she’s certainly won’t talk.  She’ll think it’s funny, especially if the good Doctor is the absolute last to know.  Anyway, while I am completely, definitely, 100% delighted to have you for a soulmate, well…’

‘You want to see how long it takes for people to figure it out if we don’t tell them,’ he finished, his grin doing interesting things to her stomach.  

She pointed at him with her free hand.  ‘Exactly! We’ve been given an opportunity here, Bucky.  A gift. It’s our duty to make the most of it.  For Science!’  

‘You and Steve get along real well, don’t you?’

‘Nuh-uh.’  She dropped his arm and pushed him into a chair.  Being the obliging soulmate that he was, he let her.  ‘We’re not talking about Steve or any plots of varying degrees of nefariousness he may or may not have been an accessory to.’  She grabbed her chair and dropped into it, letting the momentum carry her over to Bucky.  ‘We’re talking about us and the scheme at hand.  Namely, how do we keep our best friends from realizing we’re soulmates?’

He shrugged, leaning back in his chair.  ‘Beats me.  You’re the criminal mastermind here.’

‘I’m glad you recognize that.  It bodes well for the future of our relationship.  Now then.’  She braced her elbows on her legs and steepled her fingers in front of her chin.  ‘The way I see it, Steve, while possessing excellent Battle Strategy Vision, isn’t all that quick on the uptake when it comes to registering when his friends may or may not be canoodling, and Jane, though I love her dearly, is oblivious to everything outside of Science! and Thor.  Occasionally not even Thor.  I reckon I could sit on your lap in front of both of them and snog you silly, and they'd probably never even notice.’

Bucky's eyes brightened, and he leaned forward with a grin.  ‘Is that on the table?’

Oh, she was in _trouble_.  ‘It's not… _not_ on the table…’

‘Swell.’   He leaned closer, his grin turning wolfish.  ‘We should practice that.’

She pushed him back with a finger on his nose.  ‘Cool your jets, my impetuous friend.  We're not there yet.’

‘You're no fun,’ he said with a pout.  An extremely effective pout.  Now that just wasn't _fair_.

‘Excuse you, I am a _riot.’_  There was a loud snort from the corner, where Balrog had retreated when they'd started to flirt—er, plot.  ‘See? Balrog agrees with me.’  Balrog’s snort was more along the lines of _keep telling yourself that_ , but Bucky didn't need to know the exact translation.

‘Right.’  He didn't sound convinced.  ‘You realize that Nat will know exactly what’s going on, right?’

‘Pft, Nat knows everything.’  She waved her hand dismissively.  ‘Doesn’t mean she’ll squeal.  At most she’ll get Clint to bet against our being soulmates so that she can cash in when all is revealed.’

‘Good point.  So if, ah, _snogging's_ temporarily off the table, what do you want to do instead?’

She chewed her lip for a minute.  ‘What are your feelings on crossbows?’

**Author's Note:**

> The ceiling was covered in pencils by the time Jane got back, but she didn't notice. Her head was buried in her notebook, and she only grunted in acknowledgement when Darcy introduced Bucky. They're still not sure if she actually knows he was there or not.
> 
> Tony took one look at the ceiling and gave them the Fistbump of Approval. Darcy figures that the pencils distracted him, because he still hasn't realized she and Bucky are soulmates. Steve is just happy Bucky's making friends (his happy puppy eyes whenever he sees them goofing off are rIDICULOUS). Nat stands to make five hundred bucks and a tidy fortune in unspecified favours off Clint and several other impressionable SHIELD agents once the truth comes out. 
> 
> I was stuck on this prompt for the longest time until I realized I could just invent a crime that's legal elsewhere (since I didn't feel like doing actual Research), and thus the The Sokovian Pentagon Hackathon was born. It's open to anyone who can bounce their IP off a Sokovian address and draws a lot of (positive) attention. Many tech companies, think tanks, and security companies (including Stark Industries) offer scholarships and internships to the top hackers. (Ross hATES it, which just makes everything better. The rest of the Pentagon makes bets on when he'll get hacked again, and money can be seen changing hands every time his outraged yell echoes down the hallways). 
> 
> Darcy challenged Steve to a race, hacker vs. full frontal assault. Darcy won, but Steve contends that it's because he's too nice to beat people up when they're just trying to do their jobs, and if it was a real, life-and-death situation, it would have been different. Darcy pats him on the head and calls him adorable.
> 
> Saw Captain Marvel today, lots of fun! I almost cried seeing Coulson (little baby Coulson!)
> 
> As always, you can leave prompts in the comments below, or [shoot the breeze](https://taleasoldastime-andspace.tumblr.com/ask) on tumblr. No smut, slash, or polyships, please and thank you.  
> Namarie, my little bilgesnipes!


End file.
